Texas – the US state that brought you politicians like George W Bush and George ‘No W’ Bush – now has a new contender for Most Insane Political Candidate Ever.
Mary Lou Bruner, who is running for Texas’ State Board of Education, has a long list of positively certifiable beliefs which she proudly flaunts at every occasion. Here’s a brief sample (and bear in mind that she is running for the Board of EDUCATION, now) of some of her craziest theories, courtesy of Gawker:
- Dinosaurs died out because Noah only took baby dinosaurs on the Ark (for space-saving purposes, Bruner posits) and as they were babies, were too young to procreate. The remaining ones “may have become extinct because there was not enough vegetation on earth for them to survive to reproductive age. Most of the dinosaur fossils which scientists have found are permanently preserved in positions of great distress as if they were trying to keep their heads above water or above the mud.”
- School shootings are a direct result of the separation of church and state, via the removal of the Ten Commandments, Bible and other such religious accutrements from public schools. Oh, and evolution: “The school shootings started after the schools started teaching evolution is an absolute fact and the classes cannot talk about weaknesses in the Theory of Evolution.”
- Sexual education in schools consists of teaching material that is too risqué, even for hardened sex-offenders. “Many of the books which teachers read to your small children are not allowed in jails and prisons because of the bad effect the books have on the prisoners. These books stimulate children to experiment with sex.”
- Barack Obama is a bisexual, former male prostitute. “Obama has a soft spot for homosexuals because of the years he spent as a male prostitute in his twenties. That is how he paid for his drugs,” she wrote in the since-deleted Facebook post, The San Antonio Currant and The Texas Tribune reports. “He has admitted he was addicted to drugs when he was young, and he is sympathetic to homosexuals; but he hasn’t come out of the closet about his own homosexual/bisexual background. He hasn’t quite evolved that much!”
- The Democrats had JFK assisinated because socialists and Communists in the party did not want a conservative president. “Remember who followed JFK as president — (LBJ). the exact opposite of Kennedy — a socialist and an unethical politician. It does seem like this might have been the master plan: They sneaked the bad guy (LBJ)into the administration on the coat-tail of a good guy (JFK). Then they got rid of the good guy; in the end, they got a socialist president which is what they originally wanted.”
Bruner – who reportedly has a master’s degree in Special Education and spent 36 years as a public school teacher(!) before retiring in 2009 – is one of 3 candidates fighting for the Republican nomination for the position. However, Bruner is the only candidate to have been endorsed by Former Chairman of the Texas State Board of Education Gail Lowe.
Oh, well – if Bruner doesn’t succeed in the race (which is looks unlikely, as she is unfathomably a popular candidate) she could always get a writer’s job on the next series of the X Files. Or selling tin-foil hats on eBay. Or screaming about how Einstein’s Theory of Relativity is responsible for the Israel/Palestine conflict at the local Starbucks.
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