It’s tough being a singleton, especially for those who are a bit challenged in the swag department. We can’t all have the moves like JT and the fierceness of Beyoncé, so here are some helpful tips on things to avoid when trying to make the moves on your Valentine-to-be. We will have you gettin’ the shift in no time.
1. The Lunge
Okay, it can seem romantic to kiss your crush in a fit of passion – without warning. But realistically, nobody wants to be launched at while mid-sentence. It can also be dangerous. You are leaving yourself open to head bumps and teeth clashing. And worse, what if the object of your desire gets a fright and flinches, or god-forbid rejects your advances? If they move out of the way, you’ll get a face full of window (if you happen to be in front of a window, not that I was, all hypothetical of course), and will have more than just a bruised ego.
2.Getting Too Drunk
We all need a bit of dutch courage once in a while, but please, know the one that is one too many. After all, how charming can you be while slurring your words and fighting back the hiccups? Being drunk = No word filter.
3.Playing Hard to Get
If you like someone, don’t be an arsehole about it. There is playing it cool, and then there is being straight up arrogant. Don’t try to make them jealous by grinding up against someone else and pretending that you are God’s gift. It will back fire.
4.Talking About Your Ex
The BIGGEST turn off. Nobody wants to feel like a rebound, and nobody likes to be compared to somebody else. Sentences to avoid: “My ex had a supermodel body, but that’s okay, you’re personality makes up for it.”
5. Friend zoning
Being a good listener is definitely a good thing, but know when to talk about yourself as well. Listening to him/her rant about their job/ex/family problems is all well and good down the road, but say you are in the smoking area of a club at 1:30AM? Definitely not the time and place for a therapy session. Right off the bat you’ll be branding yourself a friend for life.
Do you want to be a shoulder to cry on or do you want to get your mack on?
People who are comfortable in their own skin are definitely more attractive to potential suitors, but know where to draw the line. Nobody likes to be with somebody who feels they need to remind everyone how important they are. So avoid bragging, name-dropping and one-upping.
Dropping hints that you are interested in somebody is a fine art. Avoid, “I haven’t had a good ‘aul ride in months. Anyone will do at this stage.” Don’t make someone feel like your last resort. Last Resort-ism is reserved for the “it’s 2, you’ll do” rule.
8.Biting or licking
Congratulations! You have made it to first base! Now don’t ruin it by doing anything too out there this early. Especially without consulting your tonsil hockey teammate first.
9.Don’t let them know you’ve been Facebook stalking them.
Say you have a crush on somebody for a while, and you finally get the courage to talk to them in real life. DO NOT let on that you have been Facebook stalking them. Chances are they know stuff about you from Facebook too, but it is common courtesy to keep up the pretense and have a real conversation about mundane things you have already memorised thanks to Mark Zuckerberg.
10. Talking about Beyoncé too much.
Lol, jk. Not possible.
© 2014 GCN (Gay Community News). All rights reserved.