Johnny, a queer man living in Dublin, shares his experience of becoming a foster carer with Fostering First.

I always pictured kids in my life. It was never about having my own DNA, I just always figured that they would feature somewhere. I also always thought that I would share the experience with someone else. But when a committed relationship didn’t come along (yet!) it dawned on me that time wasn’t really on my side, and why was I waiting on someone else to make my own dreams come true?

After a gentle push from a good friend, I started thinking about fostering. The truth is, I didn’t tell too many people about what I was thinking, as I know I am easily influenced by other people’s opinions, and well, I didn’t want to be put off.

And anyway, enough other doubts started to present themselves: was I too old, could I do this if I worked full time, what had I to offer a child, and what would people think of a single man wanting to bring a child into his home? Ouch, that last one really struck me hard: a lot of hangover shame of my sexual identity came to the fore. A good bit of processing and healing needed there first.

But nothing ventured, nothing gained. I saw an ad on social media, and jumping in feet first, I made the phone call. The process was pretty straightforward – I had an introduction and many reassuring chats, and followed it through with brilliant training and completing the application process. Nothing too complicated, and all the types of questions that are appropriate to be asked to ensure that any child is coming into a safe and nurturing environment.

Nine months later (how ironic!) I was approved as a foster carer. I didn’t think I had anything to offer a child. Reading the report that was prepared for the application was one of the most difficult and humbling things I have had to read in my life. My life experiences had shaped me, of which there were many, the good and the bad, and it was now these life experiences that were going to be my support in this new chapter of my life.

And then the main event. I started to get referrals through to consider, and then there was one I read, and I knew. It was him. There was no doubt. And within a few weeks, he came to live with me, and has been for the last 16 months.  It all seems very surreal now. My whole world has been turned upside down. He is clever, he is messy, he is just so kind, he drives me insane with all his sports, and muddy gear. And I wouldn’t change a thing.

We have had our ups and downs, but more ups than anything. Looking back, favourite highlights are watching him at the school play, Santa, Confirmation, standing at the side of a pitch watching him playing sports (even on rainy days), movie nights, and great chats when in the car!

There are smiles and fun, and times when I think my heart will burst. There have been tears, and sadness, when I thought my heart would break. But every day is a new day, and he has taught me to take one day at a time, and enjoy today, as nobody knows what tomorrow will bring.

There are over 6,000 children in care in Ireland right now, and only 4,000 of them are in secure foster placements. Ireland, we can do better than this.

So, if you are thinking, or even just mildly curious…. Take a leap of faith and get in touch. You may have a lot more to offer a child than you realise. All you need is a heart full of love, and a spare room – everything else will figure itself out after that.

Lots of love, Johnny.

If you’d like to know more about fostering opportunities in Ireland, visit fosteringfirstireland.ie.