Netflix is a place rife with quality television and film, but today that isn’t what we are going to celebrate. We are here to shame highlight the worst of the already dire selection of LGBT films we have to choose from – all on Netflix. Enjoy!
In the mood for a nice romantic night in? Instead of partaking in The Notebook for the 18th time, why not take a gander at the list below – some of the most terrible LGBT-themed films ever made that are, conveniently, streaming on Netflix.
- Longhorns, 2011
IMDB Rating: 5.5
This film doesn’t even deserve that rating, it’s even higher on Netflix. (How?) It’s not funny, it’s not sexy, the storyline is near incoherent. The jokes are old and tiresome – it would be more entertaining to peel your own skin off wth a small pliers.
- eCupid, 2011
IMDb Rating: 5.2
The app idea thing is pretty good, with the likes of Grindr and Tinder taking over love lives around the world. Though it’s hard to feel any empathy for a guy who just gets bored with his life, breaks up with his partner and then realises he was wrong. It’s been done time and again and this is one of the worst executions of that tired cliche. You’ll know what is going to happen before opening credits even begin to roll.
- Breaking the Girls, 2013
IMDb Rating: 4.9
All lesbians are crazy and frightening, obsessive and clingy. However the “good” lesbians can have their sexuality changed by a penis. (Who knew? All of Hollywood, apparently. *cough* Chasing Amy *cough*) The girls know each other for about three minutes and the crazy lesbian falls for the straight girl. Then craziness ensues. Want some mystery and murder? Just watch Strangers on a Train instead.
- Chicken Tikka Masala, 2005
IMDb Rating: 5.8
The blatant racism is the first thing that will strike you, even the name is ridiculously racist. Was the title the first Indian dish they could think of? Besides that, it’s a badly-shot, badly-acted, bigoted film. Only watch if you’re into that kind of thing…
- The Final Girl, 2010
IMDb Rating: 3.7
Apparently all women, straight and gay, are up for lesbian sex at the drop of a hat – fantastic news. The film is so avant-garde it could really only be made in France – now Netflix is streaming it. All because there are a few titillating lesbian sex scenes…
- My Normal, 2009
IMDb rating: 4.2
The acting, oh dear god, the acting. In a film about BDSM, the writers sure don’t know what is sexy or erotic or engaging. The only redeeming feature is the laughably terrible dialogue.
- The Guest House, 2012
IMDb Rating: 3.6
Like an inept student-made film, with bad porno acting, The Guest House has some of the least convincing acting and dialogue this side of the Razzies. If you manage to get through the whole thing, deem it a personal triumph.
- The Cost of Love, 2011
IMDb Rating: 4.2
This film tries so hard to be serious and heartfelt and achieves neither. It tries to fit in about 22 different melodramatic plot points (that may be an exaggeration) that it ends up as a mish-mash of terribleness. It includes cancer, homophobia, murder, unrequited love, domestic abuse, BDSM, violence – seriously, that’s just a drop in the bucket.
- Role/Play, 2010
IMDb Rating: 5.5
The main guy is an ex-soap actor and this entire film is shot like a low-cost Days of Our Lives. It’s rife with smell the fart acting and has little to no entertainment value. It’s not even bad enough to be good.
- What Happens Next, 2011
IMDb Rating: 5.7
Yowza, talk about unnatural acting! The storyline makes one believe that it will be a pretty sweet film, and it is, but the execution is genuinely horrifying. The direction, the acting and that includes Wendie Malick who is all things wonderful.
For the love of god, do not waste your time. But if you do feel so inclined, check out the lol-worthy trailer above.
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