With the visibility of so many gorgeous lesbians at a new peak in Dublin’s fair city, why do many of us still pursue straight women, Christine Allen wonders?
“Like a bit of rough, eh?”
It’s August 24. The annual March for Marriage has just kicked off and in true lesbian fashion, I’m engaging in some heavy duty flirting with a straight girl.
Far from it being a one-sided affair, the girl in question matches my every quip with an equally suggestive retort, a cheeky grin plastered on her face.
I’ve been friendly with the girl in question for just under a year now, having first met her at DCU, and although I do enjoy the unquestionable chemistry that exists between us, I’ve been finding our ‘banter’ quite anti-climactic of late.
When I was 16, I fell head over heels for my straight best friend. For two years I looked on from the sidelines as she dated a litany of straight guys with bad teeth. To say I was miserable would be an understatement.
On foot of stepping through the doors of The George in 2009, and realising that there were girls in the world who might view me as much more than just a pal, I saw my pining for what it was – a total waste of time and energy. I vowed to never chase another heterosexual woman again.
While I’m far from pining after my March for Marriage friend, let alone being in love with her, I can’t deny that I’m attracted. Nor can I pretend that there aren’t times when I’m not tempted to interrupt our back-and-forth banter Patrick Swayze-style, with a kiss. To make matters more confusing, there are also moments when I feel that such a move might be welcome.
Having spoken to other gay women throughout the years, I am aware that I am not the only lesbian out there who has had an ongoing flirtation with a straight girl – or in some cases, a brief fling.
So, with the visibility of so many gorgeous lesbians undoubtedly at a new peak in Dublin’s fair city, why do many of us still pursue straight women?
“I love a strong sense of femininity in someone, and so far, the majority of those who encompass this quality – both physically and emotionally – have been straight,” reasons one lesbian friend. While this viewpoint may be controversial to some, I can relate to it.
The attire of lesbians frequenting The George or Crush is hardly what might be called girlish. For many of us the first women we found attractive were straight and therefore wearing clothes similar to those worn by women to the likes of Copperface Jacks. To many of us these women epitomised femininity. Could this be why we continue to be drawn to those who will likely never return our affections?
Then again, could the pursuit of straight women be down to simple animal psychology. Don’t we all like a challenge? Aren’t straight men renowned for pursuing gay women in order to prove themselves? Don’t we all want what we can’t have? After all, it’s no secret that ‘turning’ a straight girl is viewed by many lesbians as the ultimate achievement.
One friend I spoke to told me about one of her most recent encounters with a straight woman, citing her own “boyish appearance” and “confidence” as the main factors that resulted in the transition from banter to the bedroom.
“When it came to moments of intimacy, she said she wasn’t used to the level of respect I showed her, and that she felt in control and empowered, rather than silently submissive,” she said, dispelling the myth that many straight men and women continue to believe – that the lack of a penis can only result in unsatisfactory sex.
Despite my friend’s erotic success with her straight crush, all did not end well.
“When she was finished with me – her new experiment – she just tossed me aside. She gave zero thought to my feelings.”
And here we have the very real danger of getting involved with a straight woman. For most, their Sapphic experience – whether it takes the form of dating another woman or just having a one-night-stand with one – will be viewed in the long run as nothing more than an exciting adventure on the road to sexual maturity, complete with novelty and shock value.
In the wake of the March for Marriage with my friend, I’ve made a decision. I’m on flirt strike with any woman who identifies as heterosexual. Sure, it will be difficult at first. Conversation will have to be adjusted; boundaries will need to be put in place. And with this, there is a real chance that our friendship might peter out.
Still, taking everything into account, that a risk I’m willing to take.
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