A Cork man has taken to the radio to tell the people of Ireland that God will send an asteroid because we failed his test by passing the marriage referendum.
A Cork man called Jim appeared on Cork 96fm to inform the people of Ireland that we will pay the price for passing the marriage referendum with our lives.
“The victory of the Yes side in the same-sex referendum was not the people’s victory, it was Satan’s victory,” began Jim’s sodomy-obsessed rant. “God gave us a test, a chance to show the world we belong to him before he corrects the world, probably before the end of the year.”
The New Civil Rights Movement first reported on this yesterday and, boy, are we glad they did.
In the interview, Jim insists that an asteroid will wipe out 40 million people in September 2015, something he also expected to happen in the year 2000. Of course, Jim wasn’t wrong about that – he has a priest friend who asked God to call it off so he could save more people.
Aren’t we all lucky?
Obviously, Jim’s concern rests mainly on gay men – or “the homosexuals” – who commit sodomy but lesbians “have their own ways of offending God.”
Jim has warned that the referendum was passed by Satan’s hand, through the minds of pagan young people.
“If the people don’t come back to [God] after that correction, he will take out … three-quarters of the world’s population.”
As with all great discoveries, Jim learned of this supposedly devastating asteroid on Youtube. The Cork man said that the referendum caused the asteroid to be directed solely at our little country.
Who knew a democratic vote could cause such a polarmagnetic change?
“Ireland could’ve been spared the worst of it!” said Jim. “He gave us a test, and we failed badly.”
Of course Jim believes in literal interpretations of the Bible stories Sodom and Gomorrah and Noah’s Ark, though there is no scientific evidence that either of these things existed but that was a meteor’s fault as well. Those pesky meteors.
Don’t worry about it though, lads, you can be gay as long as you offer your sex life to God.
© 2015 GCN (Gay Community News). All rights reserved.