Mayor of Hell Bans Straight People, Gets Impeached Immediately

The (now former) mayor of Hell, Michigan, was impeached after he declared an outright ban on straight people, in an attempt “to keep radical heterosexuals out of our town.”


US comedian Elijah Daniel – who you might remember for having written ‘Trump Temptations: The Billionaire & The Bellboy‘ an erotic novel about Donald Trump – told the Huffington Post that he spent two days attempting to take office in a small town so he could carry out his plan to ban heterosexuals.

“I was looking for a town willing to make me mayor,” Daniel told HuffPost. “They’ll do it in Hell for $100, so I caught a redeye to Michigan and got sworn in.”

Mayor Daniel said in his mayoral address that he would be instituting “new vetting measures to keep radical heterosexuals out of our town.” Reparative therapy to help people find their gay side was also to be strongly encouraged, added Daniel.

“We will also be offering a heterosexual reparative therapy program for hetero resident who would like to denounce their heterosexuality and become gay like the rest of the town,” read the mayoral decree, which Daniel posted to Twitter for posterity.

“The therapy is not mandatory for heterosexual residents, but it is highly encouraged as all hetero residents who do not participate in reparative therapy will be required to wear a scarlet H and meet in the town centre at 5:30am wearing cargo shorts every morning to be publicly straight-shamed.”

The Mayor of Hell stated that exceptions would be made for heterosexual residents of the town, who will be offered the chance to remain in Hell as long as the pay a deposit of $84,000 (€70,626), which will be returned if they remain celibate for a year.

The Huffington Post reports that shortly after releasing the his straight-banning decree, Daniel was impeached.

“That’s actually not a problem,” he said. “Everyone who becomes mayor there gets impeached. Most of the people who visit are same-sex couples who want to be married in Hell.”

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