When Christmas rolls around, sometimes the classics just don’t cut it. Mariah, Kylie and even Ariana have all turned their hand to the camp world of festive music production, but the honour of gayest Christmas music ever is reserved for a gaggle of drag queens whose catalogues range from the fun to the bizarre. Indeed, the RuPaul’s Drag Race queens have released not one, but three Christmas albums. We’ve spared you the time and compiled a list of the ultimate songs from the collection, so without further ado, let’s get this Christmas roast a cookin’!
“Everyday Is Christmas” – Alaska Thunderfuck 5000
The self-proclaimed Queen of Snakes song “Everyday Is Christmas” – not to be confused with her distinctly different track “Chr!$Tm@$ $Ux” – is a classic cheerful standard, with a heartfelt message at its core – that every day is Christmas when you’re with the person you love. Indeed, Alaska reminds us that whether it’s Arbor Day, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, President’s Day, St Paddy’s Day and Election Day, every day is Christmas.
“Merry Christmas, It’s Whateva” – Trish (Katya)
Katya’s alter-ego and smelly friend Trish takes the lead on “Merry Christmas It’s Whateva”, which is not so much of a song, but a subdued sort of rant. You may remember Trish as the tanning addict who made a cameo in the episode “Spoof! (There It Is)”, joining Pearl, Trixie and Miss Fame for the parody of the song “Tan With You”.
“Ho Ho Ho Ho” – Willam
Nothing gets us in the Christmas spirit faster than the line “If we gonna fuck I want presents”. Willam’s parody songs have become canon in the Drag Race fandom and his festive spoof of Mariahlynn’s “Once Upon A Time I Was A Hoe” is no exception.
“We Three Queens” – Manila Luzon, Peppermint, and Alaska
The perhaps unlikely trio of Manila, Peppermint and Alaska team up for this queer take on a Christian classic and the result is sheer opulence. The track is complete with Alaskatication as the All Stars 2 champ encourages us to “worship him God on hiiiiiiieeee”.
“Christmas Sweater” – Willam, Alaska and Courtney Act
The short-lived, but iconic blonde super-girl-group, come together for a ballad of three very different Christmas narratives – Willam’s drunken underage Christmas, Courtney’s appropriation of Home Alone, and Alaska’s devastating experience of not receiving karate patches. The three queens are then united in their shared fondness for their beloved, but hideous Christmas sweaters.
“All I Want For Christmas Is Nudes” – Trixie Mattel
Speaking of parody songs, the queen of country music’s take on Mariah Carey’s classic deserves a spot on this list. Trixie spills her heart in this song as she reveals her struggles with wanting nudes, and nothing else. Best lyric? “You can even send on Grindr / Just as long as you stay home.” “Oh I know you’re only an Uber ride away / And oh you could come over but I wish you would stay / Oh the snow is blowing, it’s too late for mistle-hoeing / Baby don’t re-gift take a Jpeg or a TIFF / If you don’t you can sashay away.”
“What Child Is This” – Peppermint and Thorgy Thor
Peppermint and Thorgy Thor demonstrate their flair for classical music on this track. Pep’s vocals accompanied by Thorgy Thor’s violin make for an unusual but pleasing choral piece.
“12 Days of Christmas” – Katya Zamolodchikova
A Katya take on “12 Days of Christmas” is exactly what you think it is. We’re talking herpes, four pregnant piglets, three roasted meat chunks, two Bob Ross paintings and ten pounds of ravioli.
“Hey Sis, It’s Christmas” – RuPaul
No Christmas queens list would be complete without a cameo from the grand supreme, Mama Ru, herself. RuPaul debuted this track during the Drag Race Holi-Slay Specacular, and with a distinct beat, this infectious ear-worm is a certified banger.
“Let It Snow” – Christmas Queens
What better way to send off our list of Drag Race songs than with a campy group number? Jinkx Monsoon, Sharon Needles, Phi Phi O’Hara, Jiggly Caliente, Manila Luzon, Thorgy Thor, Ivy Winters, Ginger Minj and Peppermint team up for this cover. The music video sees a stressed out Jinkx in her best Janice Ian get-up trying to round up her fellow queens for a photo shoot all the while singing a fun and upbeat version of this holiday classic.
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