T4T (or trans for trans) is an online term describing relationships between trans people, most commonly in the romantic sense, though it can apply platonically. It is also a cultural identity that is deeply meaningful, as some use it to signify that they prefer dating within the community. But what is it about T4T that has made it so popular among trans folks?

Firstly, when it comes to dating, trans people face a high risk of relationship abuse, and according to WeConsent, “64% of trans people experience sexual violence in their lifetime”. There have been numerous criminal cases in the US where violence against a trans person has been justified by the defence that the discovery of their gender identity caused overwhelming panic in the perpetrator.

A large stigma also surrounds cisgender men dating trans women, sometimes leading to them being treated as a shameful secret. It’s no wonder then that safety and acceptance are big factors in the appeal of T4T relationships.

Furthermore, since misgendering and deadnaming are unfortunately a common experience for many trans people, dating within the community can provide much-needed trust that the other person sees you for who you truly are. Influencer Elle Deran, who is in a public T4T relationship, shares, “I think the most affirming thing is just being with someone who has never misgendered me and could never because you’ve done the work to see yourself”.

That security can be extremely beneficial for a trans person’s mental health and wellbeing.

This sense of trust and affirmation also applies to physical intimacy. Trans bodies are too often viewed as abnormal, something to be ‘fixed’ or otherwise fetishised. On the other hand, trans people themselves can have complicated feelings about their bodies due to gender dysphoria.

T4T relationships can be a safe space where boundaries regarding dysphoria are respected and understood. Hence, it can be freeing for some trans people in terms of exploring their sexuality while being affirmed in their gender.

The world certainly doesn’t make transitioning an easy experience, so having someone who fully understands what you are going through can be healing and comforting. Trans rights campaigner, Fox Fisher, explains in a Pink News interview that his favourite thing about being T4T is “Just the simple fact that we get it. We don’t have to explain who we are, or spend any time justifying how we feel.”

This can be relieving for trans people who feel they have to prove themselves or constantly educate others on their identity.

T4T relationships also come with the beauty of supporting one another through the ups and downs of transitioning. This includes legally changing your name and gender, starting hormone replacement therapy or seeking gender-affirming care.

A heart-warming example of this is Elle Daran’s Instagram video showing her trans boyfriend, Ezra, helping her take her Estrogen injection. There is strength in knowing you are not alone in this journey.

At the same time, this is not to idolise T4T relationships or portray them as perfect. Like any relationship, conflict and miscommunication happen, and if you are experiencing abusive behaviour, it is important to seek support.

It is clear though that T4T has become a big part of trans culture as a potential source of safety, comfort and connection in a world that constantly tries to tear the community down.

If you have been affected by this story or are looking to reach out to someone for support or advice or just to talk, there are numerous services available for LGBTQ+ people, listed below, and many offer instant messaging support.

Samaritans
SpunOut.ie
The Switchboard
Dublin Lesbian Line
Belong To
TENI
LGBTQI Pavee Point
Man2Man
HIV Ireland
Aware
Pieta House
Jigsaw
Mental Health Ireland
Dublin Rape Crisis Centre
Garda Confidential Line