Having trouble trying to navigate the murky waters of lesbian online dating apps? Is the thought of in-person interaction with another human woman scary enough? Maybe you’re so successful racking up those message requests you want to know where you went right in order to pass on the good advice. Or you’re just curious.

Online dating is intimidating to even the most outgoing of us, but online dating apps have their distinct perks. Namely, we’re all there for the same reason, to meet other queer women. With our signature trait of complete obliviousness to expressions of romantic interest, getting that initial formality out of the closet and into the open can only be a good thing.

So what are you waiting for? Next time you’re pretending to be on your phone to avoid social interaction, revisit that profile gathering proverbial dust with renewed vigour bestowed by the following tips:

1.    Take some time with your profile

We’ll start with the most obvious, so obvious maybe I don’t even need to mention it. Unfortunately, obsessing over how we come across online is second nature to many of us. But online dating, especially to begin with, can feel weird and cringey. So instead we can rush through it with the grit and determination of someone doing an unpleasant but necessary chore.  Whether it’s spell checking to make sure you don’t deter any (otherwise lovely) grammar Nazi’s, or really nailing that witty bio line, take the time to curate your profile and to really feel like you’re expressing yourself

2.    Post more than one picture

Nothing says ‘red flag’ like a profile complete with one solitary selfie, taken from a glaringly strategic angle. Maybe you think it’s all you need to entice the swiping masses, but more pictures will help others get to know you better and communicate the confidence you have in yourself. And if they don’t like what they see? Fuck ‘em.

3.    Post a recent picture

As the saying goes: “if it ain’t recent, it ain’t decent”.

4.    Try to customise that quirky opening message

When messaging somebody for the first time, have a look at their profile and try engaging with something they’ve posted: a travel snap, a picture of their cat, food, their cats, or their kitten. Resist making any pussy-related puns. 

5.    It can be for more than just dating

Don’t want to hook up, stress about labels or first dates with everything riding on them? Great! Doesn’t mean you can’t meet anyone. Online apps like Her can be for more than just flirtation. If you’re new to a city or want to start finding your L-Word tribe, you can use Her to make platonic connections with other awesome queer women. Just be sure to state your intentions clearly to leave as little room as possible for misunderstanding.

6.    Don’t take it personally

You know that time you totally fell off the grid and didn’t go online for ages (a weekend)? That exact same thing probably happened to that girl you messaged two days ago. Life happens and if someone suddenly stops replying don’t assume the worst. Online dating is flighty territory at best, and just as you shouldn’t feel obligated to reply, or keep talking to, every single person who starts a conversation, neither are they beholden to you.

7.     Finally, There’s no excuse for bad behaviour

Just because it’s the Wild Wild Web, doesn’t mean users should be allowed to get away with anything they want.  You’re not obliged to tolerate any rude, abusive or suspicious behaviour, no matter the circumstances. Leave the conversation the second you start to feel uncomfortable and don’t hesitate to block or report users if warranted.