More and more young people are identifying as neither male nor female, but somewhere on the continuum in between. Jarlath Gregory meets some non-binary kids to get the skinny on living on the gender frontlines

The young adults in the room are a normal bunch, even though we all agree that the concept of ‘normal’ is a tricky one to pin down. They’re both serious and giggly, they’re very active on social media, and, like a lot of young LGBT people, they’re in the process of figuring out who they are.

Although they’re all different from one other, one thing they share is being gender non-binary: they identify as neither male nor female. You’ve probably heard about some gender non-binary people preferring the pronouns ‘they/them’ over the traditional ‘she/her’ or ‘he/him’, but there’s more to being non-binary than grammar.

It’s a fundamental part of their identities, and it’s something they all feel the LGBT community needs to better understand. I asked them a few questions about their lives, and found they had plenty to share.

What does being gender non-binary mean to you, individually?

Emmet

When someone calls me a girl, it just doesn’t feel right, even though I look like a girl, and sound like a girl. I don’t feel comfortable being called he/him either, and being able to be neither a boy nor a girl is really important to me.

Remus

What a lot of people don’t realise is that ‘trans’ means you identify as a gender-different from birth, and not just strictly male-to-female or female-to-male. Depending on the day, I kind of fluctuate between wanting to be masculine, wear masculine clothes, and wanting to look feminine. I think it’s a really individual experience for everyone, and it’s difficult in different ways for everyone.

Alice

A lot of people will say, ‘If you’re non- binary, you have to look androgynous, you have to look like you would confuse people with whether you’re a boy or a girl.’ But I didn’t have to change anything about myself to fit what I feel. The only thing I changed was having
my hair cut shorter, so if I wanted to look more masculine I could pull it into a beanie.

Kai

I never really was like, ‘Yeah, I’m a girl,’ or ‘Yeah, I’m a guy,’ I was just like, ‘Hi! I’m here!’ I joined BeLonG To and suddenly people were
using they/them pronouns, and talking about not being a girl or a guy. It was something I’d suppressed inside myself, so discovering non- binary identity allowed me to actually be myself.

Vincent

Being a trans guy, there are expectations about being masculine, and presenting as male. Most of the time I do, and I’m happy using men’s bathrooms and wearing men’s clothes, and being called he/him is fine with me. But being non-binary is like taking off the expectations that I have to conform. It’s harder to come out as non-binary, but it makes it easier for myself.

Dia

For ages I didn’t stick to one specific gender. I would cross over between female and male. People want to be normal, but what’s the point of being normal when you can come to a place where you can be yourself?

Click below to see what challenges gender non-binary people face.

This article was originally found in GCN’s November 2016 Youth Issue.

What challenges do you face as a gender non-binary person?

Emmet

I find people think I’m faking a lot. Someone online was really at me, saying: ‘You’re really cis, stop trying to be trans’.

Kai

I live with my nana and granddad, which sets me apart by two generations. Granddad once said: “There are people who are male, and people who are female, and then there’s people with issues, and you’re one of those.” That’s just something we constantly battle with.

Remus

When you come out, people expect you to educate them. In my last school, people were hassling me non-stop in class. They would ask really invasive questions about my body, things they could learn if they just Googled it once.

Alice

People don’t always mean wrong when they misgender me. I go by they/them pronouns and people seem to find that difficult the first time they do it.

Emmet

I came out to a health professional who said: “I don’t think that’s real. I’ve read all about it, and there are trans people, but it’s one in a billion, really.”

Click below to see if non-binary people feel the LGBT community knows enough about them.

This article was originally found in GCN’s November 2016 Youth Issue.

Do you feel the LGBT community knows enough about gender non-binary people, in general?

Dia

I feel like people know enough about the LGB part, but when it comes to the T, people are like, what is that? I feel like we should open up the box. There are other terms under the transgender umbrella we need to recognise.

Alice

I’ve met people under the trans umbrella who would identify as male or female and they’ve told me that I’m not as trans as them, or that I’m not trans at all. I want to say to non- binary people that you are trans enough.

Kai

I feel like the older LGBTs don’t always get it. They think like it’s this whole other thing younger LGBTs invented to feel more oppressed than they were. But in reality, the older generation needs to get behind it and support us.

There’s no representation in the media. You’ve got strong gay men and lesbians, male and female trans characters seeping in, and bisexual characters, and that’s all great, but it’s like people don’t know what non-binary is because it’s not on Netflix.

Emmet

I think if there was more education about what non-binary is, more people would identify as non-binary.

Click below to find out what message these non-binary people would give to other non-binary people looking for support.

This article was originally found in GCN’s November 2016 Youth Issue.

What message would you give to other gender non-binary people who might be looking for support?

Vincent

I’m not going to lie – it’s not easy. You’re going to get shit for it, you’re going to struggle; it’s going to get worse before it gets better. But give it time, patience and persistence. You know who you are. If you say you’re non- binary, you’re non-binary, and there’s no question about it.

Dia

If you want more knowledge, it’s good to ask questions, but the knowledge is out there to be found on the Internet, in libraries and books. You’ll understand more through looking it up for yourself.

Kai

Be incredibly proud of yourself for being non-binary, and protect it, in whatever way you have to.

If that’s sitting silently while someone is constantly misgendering you, or if that’s insisting that someone gets your pronouns right, or if it’s writing poetry, or talking to somebody, or going to a youth space, never let someone stop you from being who you are.

Emmet

You’re normal and valid, and there’s nothing weird about your gender. It’s wired from birth, it’s a big part of who you are. Your gender isn’t going to change – just your gender expression.

Remus

It’s going to be a struggle to try and figure it out, but enjoy that process. Even if you don’t exactly know who you are yet, you’re entitled to your feelings and whatever pronouns you want.

If you don’t like the name you were given at birth, choose one that you like, and start your new life of being yourself.

Vincent

I got one last thing: You’re real.

This article was originally found in GCN’s November 2016 Youth Issue.