My father disapproves of my gay wedding

Gay Marriage

A letter in yesterday’s Irish Times proves it’s not all marital bliss following the legalisation of same-sex marriage

A letter appeared in yesterday’s The Irish Times from a gay man who had recently become engaged to his boyfriend. They made the commitment to each other following the passing of the Marriage Bill. However, X showed in his letter that the high of 23 May is now over.

He wrote:

“I’m gay and have been out for quite some time. My long-term boyfriend and I decided to get married, very recently, after the Marriage Bill. I told my parents the joyous news, as I felt on a high after the country had seemed to support me.

My mum, of course, was happy for me, but my father remained stern and cold. It has now come to light that he will not come to our wedding. I don’t know what to do. Part of me obviously wants to have him there, but if he disapproves I’d rather not have him there. My partner’s parents are dead, so he does not face this problem.

He doesn’t understand the extent of my problem as he has never had any sort of judgment from his parents; when they died he was still in the closet.

While my mother supports me, I feel she may feel it is necessary to side with my father about the wedding, and I am now feeling very disappointed and wondering if we should have decided to get married at all. All the good feelings generated from the Marriage Bill feel tainted. I’m sad and upset.”

The Irish Times psychotherapist, Trish Murphy responded to the letter by saying:

‘They are responsible for themselves. Your focus needs to be on your partner and on both of you having a fantastic time on your wedding day.”

Readers also commented on the article.

  • Bryon Lennon wrote, “For a father not to go to his son’s wedding on the basis that he disapproves of his son’s homosexuality and/or marrying another man, is clear evidence of homophobia. So the use of the word homophobia is very appropriate in the circumstances.”
  • PeterMcGlynn wrote, “Yes he’s better off moving on. His father might be homophobic but I’d be more concerned that he’s being ignorant. Many homophobes can put aside this and realise that their son’s/daughters happiness is more important. This lad obviously can’t and I’d imagine he’s ignorant in other ways. Life’s too short – ignore you Dad and make your Mum proud.”
  • JSM was less sympathetic saying, “I’ve known fathers (and mothers) who did not go to their straight kids’ weddings. Get over it.”

Read the full article here. 

© 2015 GCN (Gay Community News). All rights reserved.

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