To the surprise of almost no-one, Natalie was evicted from the Celebrity Big Brother house on Friday. When the result was announced there was an eerie silence, as every single housemate feared angering the raging beast. Not even a perfunctory, “Oh shit, that’s awful, babes!” Just tense silence as everyone prayed the Angry American didn’t burn the house down on her way out the door.
During her interview with Emma, she clearly had forgotten that cameras were present for all of her frightening behaviour over the preceding week and tried in vain to appear as a person who isn’t a complete bitch. Emma, who continues to defy the ageing process (she’s over 40 folks), confronted Natalie on her viciousness but she appeared completely baffled. She genuinely believed that a damp chair was worth screaming the house down over for three straight days. Anyway, BYE FELICIA.
During the episode, Rodrigo had a secret task involving an anthropomorphised washing machine. It was hilarious. In fact, Rod started to look like a potential winner, gamely laughing with washing machines and dispensing sage dating advice to his fellow housemates. Twitter was LOVING him.
And then – he’s gone! Without elaboration, the producers announced that Rodrigo had been removed from the house. Just like that, but with nary as much as a ‘Ciao’. There’s been no explanation, but I suspect there was more racist chatter from him. Alas! Such is the CBB trajectory: one minute you’re the nation’s sweetheart, the next you’re standing as UKIP representative for Chorley.
Elsewhere: Hardeep immediately sets about getting himself nominated for eviction by bemoaning the wasteful nature of task wherein three housemates (Kidnapped Chloe, Love Island Contestant #5463 and The Turtle) had to eat some gross stuff. “People going to food banks and we’re watching people vomit on TV,” he says, flashing his builder’s crack in case seeing Z-Listers eat 1,000-year-old eggs wasn’t enough to make you puke.
Ryan pointed out that it was no less disgusting than gassing your fellow housemates nightly by farting prolifically. Hardeep had no articulate comeback and so scuttled off to hitch up his pants, and fart some more in private.
As if that wasn’t enough to irritate everyone, BB stuck the boot in by giving him a task where he had to ‘roast’ the fellow housemates with a comedy routine. It was painful.
Some light homophobia, a touch of misogyny and copious apologising and backtracking when the jokes didn’t land. Har(deep) har har.
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