Passing is a messy topic in the trans community.

The term refers to a trans person being ‘naturally’ perceived as their gender identity rather than their sex assigned at birth. What makes one pass is incredibly subjective, depending on the perceived ability to ‘hide transness’ and conform to traditional gender expectations.

Like female beauty standards, the benchmark is superficial.

As a trans woman, I’ve experienced being told “I wouldn’t have thought you were trans”, and it always brings up mixed feelings.

On the one hand, there is euphoria from my gender being affirmed. On the other hand, it makes me wonder if my acceptance as a woman is conditional on me ‘not looking trans’. Even the choice of the word ‘passing’ has an uncomfortable undertone that implies trans people are pretending to be their gender.

This isn’t a new predicament though; it goes back further than you would think. In 1987, Sandy Stone wrote a foundational text in trans theory called The Empire Strikes Back: A Posttransexual Manifesto, which argues against the concept of passing.

She explains that the social pressure for trans people to pass hinders their ability to live authentically, as it means assimilation at the cost of erasing individuality. Instead, she advocates for the community to disrupt these restrictive gender norms.

At the same time, the claim that trans people shouldn’t care about passing misses the fact that for many, it is a matter of safety. Unfortunately, it can mean the difference between facing misgendering or harassment in public.

The desire in and of itself is perfectly healthy, but taken to the extreme, it can have a negative effect on self-esteem and mental health. Personally, it sometimes contributes to feelings of self-consciousness, leading me to nitpick features of myself that I worry might be ‘clocky’.

Clocky is a slang term for a person who is visibly trans, often used in online spaces like TikTok, and usually in a negative sense.

Toxic pressure can also be perpetuated within the community when internalised transphobia is projected onto others. For instance, a trans person may look at another negatively if they do not conform to traditional gender roles, such as a trans man who wears makeup.

Furthermore, the flaws are evident when considering it in the context of gender non-conforming, gender fluid or non-binary individuals. Sil Cleary explains, “As a non-binary person, passing is wild. People assume I’m either a woman or a man, but never non-binary. When I’m perceived as a man, I feel safer and I’m treated better.”

This not only reveals how it reinforces a gender binary but also how it interlinks with issues of male privilege, misogyny and patriarchy.

With all this said, it’s clear that the societal expectation for trans people to pass is not going away, but what can change is how we reconcile with it.

It’s easy to fall into comparison or self-criticism, which is why it is so important for trans people to show unapologetic love towards themselves and others in the community.

Irish activist Jenny Maguire echoed this when saying, “When I realised that no matter how hard I tried, I would never live up to cis expectations, it was so liberating. Allowing myself to be trans on my own terms was like a weight off my shoulders”.

Ultimately, the topic brings up many emotions: euphoria, dysphoria, frustration, anxiety. If there is one thing to remember, though, it is that transitioning does not need to be a competition of who passes and who does not.

You are valid no matter what.