BREAKING: Irish weather confirmed to be homophobic

With Met Eireann releasing another wet forecast for August, we've decided that Irish weather is truly homophobic, but it won't keep us down.

Image: Via Shutterstock - RIK Miheyeu

Dear readers, we promise you the team here at GCN really does try our best to bring you as much good news as we can, but Jaysus, this Irish weather doesn’t do us any favours. In fact, we’ve decided that it’s positively homophobic and here’s why.

Unless you spent the last month sunning yourself in the heatwave that they experienced on the continent, you don’t need me to tell you that July 2023 has been the wettest July in Ireland since records began with a positively biblical 23 days of rainfall. 

And we’re gutted to say it looks like August is set to rain on our parades as well. That’s right, the not-so-lovely folks at Met Eireann have released the long-term forecast for August, and it’s set to be another summer washout.


One can’t help but feel Met Eireann’s description of “slightly above average” rainfall is code for “We hope you’ve all built your arks and sent out your animal invitations because wellies and a raincoat simply ain’t going to cut it (no matter how many rainbows and glittery unicorns are painted on them)”.

The good news is this weekend and into next week look set to be the best of the month. So for anyone going to Cork Pride, it may not be blue skies, but you shouldn’t need the brolly. If you’re heading to Sligo Pride, maybe bring one just in case, as it might be light showers on Saturday. 

If you’re destined for All Together Now, be warned, although most of the weekend is set to be dry, Saturday night looks like it will be a wet one, so pimp up your waterproofs if you want to look your best.


Alas, with Met Eireann describing the weather for the rest of the month as “changeable” and “unsettled”, for all the other fabulous Irish Pride events happening this August, we’d recommend decking out in your pinkest waterproof parka but also, make sure to have your hot pants and belly top on underneath. 

As we always say, “Never go to Pride without an umbrella; if it doesn’t rain, it’s great for shading you from the sun!”. And most importantly, remember folx, you can’t have a rainbow without rain, and if there’s one thing we queers love, it’s a rainbow!


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