The Old Gays’ Guide to the Good Life, a must-read memoir and manifesto from the TikTok quartet known simply as “The Old Gays” hit bookstore shelves in November of 2023. Featuring input from each member of the quartet, the memoir focuses on lessons they’ve learned about “love and death, sex and sin, and saving the best for last”.
Prior to the release of their memoir, The Old Gays grew to fame on TikTok, where they have managed to amass 11 million followers (and counting). Throughout their TikTok tenure, Mick (67), Robert (80), Jessay (70), and Bill (79), have been featured in videos featuring celebrities including singers like Shania Twain and Duncan Laurence, and YouTube personality, Glozelle, to name a few.
While the majority of the content on The Old Gays’ TikTok page is dedicated to fun and freedom, often featuring the crew dressed in drag or skimpy Speedos, dancing to chart-topping hits from Kylie Minogue and Troye Sivan, the four also often share emotional videos where they look back on their lives as younger gay men, often sharing old photos that truly show just how far the LGBTQ+ community has come over the decades.
“We’re The Old Gays,” the boys said in a recent interview with The Guardian, “a TikTok sensation with 11 million followers and counting. And if you’re not on TikTok, honey, you’re living in the past.”
Originally hailing from Arkansas, Texas, and Tennessee, how did these four men’s lives become so closely intertwined? It all starts, fittingly, with the eldest member of The Old Gays, Robert Reeves.
Reeves originally grew up in Arkansas where his life was deeply affected by his rural Southern Baptist upbringing. In the 1980’s, Reeves moved to San Francisco to work on city-planning a baseball stadium for the city’s SOMA neighbourhood. While living in San Fran, Reeves crossed paths with fellow-Old Gay, Bill Lyons. The two became quick friends, but all of that changed when Reeves was diagnosed with HIV in 1987.
Following news of his diagnosis, Reeves moved to Cathedral City, located in the California desert, to focus on making art. Meanwhile, back in San Francisco, Lyons continued to work as the general manager of an interior showroom. Lyons lived happily with his partner in a houseboat for 16 years before he was unceremoniously dumped in 1996.
After losing his long-time partner, Lyons suffered with alcoholism before being admitted for out-patient treatment for bi-polar disorder. Due to his partner’s betrayal, Lyons remained abstinent for 10 years following the break-up, claiming that he no longer trusted men.
In 2003, Reeves and Lyons reconnected and Lyons would go on to work as a cleaner for Reeves after he lost his home during the Great Recession. Reeves similarly struggled as a result of the ongoing economic global disaster of the late 2000’s, and was in the throes of a bankruptcy when two gay men purchased an impressive $16,000 worth of art from his Laguna Beach art gallery.
While the sizeable purchase was enough to pull Reeves out of bankruptcy, he still had to transform his home garage into a rentable living space to make ends meet. In 2013, the third member of The Old Gays, Mike Peterson, moved into the space.
Prior to moving to San Francisco, Peterson grew up in Texas. As an adult, Peterson became a professional body builder, a past that remains evident in every shirtless video The Old Gays share on TikTok.
The fourth and final member of the quartet came into the picture in 2015, when Jessay Martin, the sole Black member of The Old Gays, moved in across the street from Reeves and Peterson. Martin, originally from a religious Tennessee background, worked as a florist and a gospel singer in Los Angeles before joining forces with Reeves, Lyons, and Peterson after they’d filmed a video for LogoTV in 2017 where the elder-gays attempted to decipher Gen-Z slang.
“They filmed a video of us guessing what slang words meant,” Reeves says, “and it proved pretty successful. We were called the Old Farts at first, but we switched to the Old Gays. But there was a criticism that surfaced…”
The then-trio, made up of Reeves, Lyons, and Peterson, was all-white, leading to criticisms of the group’s lack of diversity. The video that the trio filmed then made its way to Martin.
“A friend of mine sent me this viral video and I freaked out and got excited. These guys were my neighbours… I was on my way to work one day, and saw Robert outside, so stopped to tell him how happy I was to see them doing so well online. And then he said to me the group needed some diversity. I replied, ‘You mean some colour?’ I gave him my business card and the rest is history.”
When the chemistry and comedy of the group caught on, they were recruited for a longer video for the hookup app, Grindr. In 2021, The Old Gays TikTok page took off after their videos went viral with younger queer audiences.
Today, The Old Gays live in Cathedral City, part of California’s wider Palm Springs area, a locale known for its older population.
“We live in a very strange spot here in the California desert,” Peterson told The Guardian, “just 100 miles east of Los Angeles. Here there’s a large community of older queer people that’s very active and vibrant.”
In fact, as many as 50% of the population of Palm Springs, California identifies as LGBTQ+, compared to just 7% of Americans nationally.
“Down the road in LA,” Peterson continues, “the culture of youth is everything. Once you turn 40, unless you’re married and with a big career, you’re becoming invisible. It’s the same in many places across the world: mainstream culture emphasises that. We exist to put the lie to that: to spread our energy. Showing the world how life can be, and bringing hope – I think – to people in places where that might not seem possible, whether because of age or sexuality.”
As a result of their recent online fame, the Old Gays have made numerous appearances on primetime television as well as modelling for Rihanna’s Savage X Fenty fashion show. In 2022, the quartet was similarly listed on Forbes magazine’s Top Creators List and have since struck lucrative deals with brands like Netflix, T-Mobile, and Walgreens.
Throughout their TikTok tenure, the Old Gays have noticed that one of the best ways to drive up views is to take off their clothes. Often sporting little more than a string bikini or a jockstrap in their videos, Martin commented on how the surprising trend has helped him feel more confident in his body as he ages.
“I still can’t figure out why,” said Martin. “I didn’t get why people wanted to see us like that. I’m not sure I do now. But because of the rest of these guys, I’m more confident. I shut my mouth, get on with it and have a blast.”
“I’m surprised by myself sometimes,” added Reeves. “I don’t think all of us felt so at home in our older bodies before. Now, with all the love we get, we feel so free.”
When considering what makes their videos so appealing to younger LGBTQ+ audiences, Reeves suggests that the secret is authenticity.
“We feel free to be ourselves, entirely. For some younger people we’re role models that they haven’t had in their lives: substitute parents, grandparents, guncles. And for people of our generation, we’re visible, when so many are unseen. Whatever your sexuality, older people can watch our videos and see a ray of hope and optimism. Confirmation that you can get up, out and enjoy life, not spend every hour in front of a TV.”
In their recently-released memoir/manifesto, The Old Gays Guide to the Good Life, the quartet discuss the myriad of struggles they’ve faced over the course of four long lifetimes, including family estrangement, sexual abuse, homophobia, life, death, and their lived experiences of the height of the HIV and AIDS epidemic.
“The book is dedicated to those who are no longer here,” says Peterson, who is HIV+. “We’re what’s left of a generation who succumbed to a very nasty disease. I’m one of the lucky ones and feel I owe it to people who aren’t here to not only tell my story, but to show I can be old, gay, happy and content. People see us on their screens, but now they know our challenges; our history. If people can see us living our best lives, thriving, while knowing what we’ve each lived through? Hopefully that can give people some inspiration to get through their own crises in life. To remember the good times don’t last forever, yes, but the bad times don’t either.”
The book, like its authors, doesn’t shy away from the taboo, touching on topics from faith and bankruptcy to masturbation and erectile dysfunction. “Everyone deals with it all,” says Peterson, “so why not put it out there? Whatever your sexuality, older people still have bodies, sex and desire.”
“Gay men of our age,” Reeves continues, “for lots of reasons – death, homophobia, ageism – are totally invisible to the world. We’re also helping bring light to our generation. A little reminder that plenty of us are still here and living a wonderful life.”
“It’s always been that way for us,” added Peterson. “During the height of AIDS, despite the fact our friends were dropping around us like flies, we still knew how to give a party. And that’s the same today. Whatever shit is going on, we still want to find joy. Lots of young people don’t know this history. They think queer history begins with Lady Gaga? No no.”
“Hold on,”Lyons added jokingly. “I thought it began with Cher?”
© 2023 GCN (Gay Community News). All rights reserved.
Support GCN
GCN has been a vital, free-of-charge information service for Ireland’s LGBTQ+ community since 1988.
During this global COVID pandemic, we like many other organisations have been impacted greatly in the way we can do business and produce. This means a temporary pause to our print publication and live events and so now more than ever we need your help to continue providing this community resource digitally.
GCN is a registered charity with a not-for-profit business model and we need your support. If you value having an independent LGBTQ+ media in Ireland, you can help from as little as €1.99 per month. Support Ireland’s free, independent LGBTQ+ media.
comments. Please sign in to comment.