Fighting is part of any healthy relationship, but fighting right isn’t always easy. GCN’s Dr. Ray gives you ten tips for healthy arguments

Dr. Ray’s Ten Tips For Healthy Arguments

1. Healthy arguments can move a relationship forward if both people are open to learning.

2. There is no more powerful, and therefore intimidating place for two people to get to know each other than in an argument.

3. Always try to listen to what the other person is really trying to say. You don’t have to agree with them, you only have to listen.

4. Letting the other person know that you have heard what they are trying to say is more important than telling them whether you agree with them or not.

5. When people feel they’re not being listened to, they either disappear by withdrawing or they explode.

6. Try not to lose contact with what it is that you are really arguing about and stay with what is actually being contested.

7. It is perfectly valid and realistic to ask for time and space to consider what is being argued over.

8. Try not to let things snowball by introducing further events you feel the other person did not handle well.

9. Many arguments could be avoided if people shared the little frustrations when they happen rather than storing them up.

10. Compromise is not a negative, it is a promise made together – the only potential ‘win/win’. What’s the point of hurting your relationship just to prove you were right?

Dr. Ray is a psychoanalytic psychotherapist specialising in individual and relationship counselling. Call him on 086 828 0033 or if you want to have a question answered in GCN, email your problem to [email protected].

These ten tips for healthy arguments were originally found in GCN’s December (Sex) Issue 324, which is available for people to read online by clicking here.