Sally Rooney, the acclaimed Irish author of Conversations with Friends, Normal People, and Beautiful World Where Are You, has a talent for dissecting the intricate layers of human relationships. While her novels often centre around the romantic and emotional lives of her characters, they also offer profound insights into modern masculinity. Through her male characters, Rooney shows us the challenges, complexities, and evolving nature of what it means to be a man today.

In Rooney’s world, forming deep, meaningful friendships among men often seems like an uphill battle. In my book, Contemporary Irish Masculinities, I explore this idea, calling it “impossible male homosociality.” This term might sound complex, but it simply means that men in Rooney’s novels often struggle to connect with each other in a meaningful way.

Take Nick from Conversations with Friends. His interactions with other men are often stilted and shallow, filled with competition and avoidance rather than genuine connection. Nick’s reluctance to engage deeply with other men highlights a broader societal issue: the rigid norms of masculinity that discourage men from expressing vulnerability or admiration for one another.

Rooney also focuses on how these patterns start early. In Normal People, we see Connell navigating his high school years, where his interactions with other boys are largely defined by boasting and objectifying women. These teenage boys are already learning to adhere to societal scripts that equate masculinity with emotional detachment and dominance.

However, there are exceptions. Sports provide a rare safe space for these boys to express closeness and camaraderie without fear of judgment. On the sports field, Connell and his peers can share moments of physical and emotional intimacy that are otherwise off-limits in their daily lives. This highlights a crucial point: even within the constraints of traditional masculinity, there is an inherent need for connection and intimacy.

As Rooney’s characters move into adulthood, their experiences of masculinity are further complicated by social class. In Normal People, Connell’s university years reveal how socioeconomic status intersects with gender expectations. His friendships with other men are influenced by their social standing, adding another layer of complexity to their interactions.

Society often mandates that men display dominance and control in public, while softer, more affectionate interactions must remain hidden. This dual expectation creates a tension that many men find difficult to navigate, further complicating their ability to form genuine connections.

However, not all of Rooney’s portrayals of male relationships are bleak. In Beautiful World, Where Are You, we see a more optimistic view through the relationship between Felix and Simon. Their friendship, though rare in Rooney’s works, offers a glimpse of what’s possible when men step outside traditional norms.

There are other examples of where Rooney’s male characters challenge traditional stereotypes of what it means to be a man. By showing characters like Nick and Connell who are sensitive and vulnerable, she breaks down the notion that men must always be stoic and emotionally distant. This matters because it encourages men in real life to embrace their full range of emotions, promoting better mental health and more authentic relationships.

By depicting positive examples of male relationships, like that between Felix and Simon in Beautiful World, Where Are You, Rooney illustrates the potential for ‘inclusive masculinity’. This idea that men can express vulnerability and affection without compromising their masculinity is essential for promoting healthier, more supportive relationships among men. It shows that redefining masculinity as something that isn’t confined by homophobia or misogyny can lead to more fulfilling lives.

So why should we care about the male characters in Sally Rooney’s novels? The answer is simple: they reflect real-world issues that affect everyday men, both straight and gay, and their relationships. Rooney’s portrayal of masculinity resonates beyond the pages of her books, offering lessons that are crucial for understanding and improving the way men relate to themselves and others.

Men, she seems to suggest, are not monolithic figures defined by strength and stoicism. They are complex individuals with a range of emotions and experiences. By depicting men who struggle with mental health and emotional expression, Sally Rooney’s books highlight the need for a more nuanced understanding of masculinity—one that allows for vulnerability and authenticity.

The concept of ‘impossible male homosociality’ that I discuss in my book highlights how societal norms prevent men from forming deep, meaningful friendships. This isn’t just a literary device—it’s a reality many men face. Understanding this can help us recognise the importance of creating spaces where men can connect emotionally without fear of judgment, ultimately reducing feelings of isolation and loneliness.

Hardbound copies of Contemporary Irish Masculinities have just arrived and look great (I am indeed biased)
Get your copy here: https://t.co/gbSW3zUcST pic.twitter.com/XoYF6chbwW

— Dr Angelos Bollas (@angelos_bollas) January 3, 2024

For the everyday person, these insights are invaluable. They remind us that the struggles and growth of Rooney’s characters are not confined to fiction. They reflect the real challenges men face today in expressing their true selves and building genuine connections. Whether straight or gay, young or old, men can find reflections of their own experiences in Rooney’s characters and learn from their journeys.

By understanding and embracing these lessons, we can work towards a society where men are free to be their authentic selves, leading to stronger, more supportive communities. Sally Rooney’s novels provide a roadmap for this change, making them essential reading for anyone interested in the evolving nature of masculinity.