Last night was the finale of The Celebrity Traitors, and Alan Carr, comedian, gay, and god awful liar with absolutely zero poker face to speak of, came out on top by winning the whole pot for his chosen charity. He ate, leaving no crumbs.
It was a victory for gas queers everywhere. We have not seen such a win for the community, or so many tears on reality television, since the fully bisexual season of Are You The One.
The thrilling final episode of the series was stressful from start to finish, with contestants giving it their all. Everybody was using the totality of their observational and analytical skills in an effort to oust the lying traitors.
The campness was surreal, with every contestant bringing the drama nonstop. From the vows of trust in fellow players to the mourning of the ‘murdered’, it was all taken very seriously, which is especially amazing considering how silly it is.
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Incredibly, two of the three original traitors made it to last night’s finale. Cat Burns made it to the final episode with fellow traitor Carr, where she got sniffed out and banished. Alan might not have won, had it not been for Joe Marler apologising when voting Cat out.
His apology led the others, mainly Nick Mohammed, to believe that his series-long friend and fellow faithful conspirator must be a traitor. With Joe gone, the path was clearer for Carr to take the prize.
Upon having to reveal his status to his fellow players, whom he had just manipulated, Carr broke down in tears. “I’m so sorry, it’s been tearing me apart”, Carr said. In an incredibly touching moment, Nick Mohammed, David Olusoga, and host Claudia Winkleman ran over to comfort Carr as he sobbed.
There was a beautiful vulnerability, honesty, and camaraderie in the moments after his revelation. It is an absolute credit to his integrity and empathy. It all culminated in a group hug with Mohammed and Olusoga telling Carr how brilliantly he’d done.
Many have commented on the seeming ineptitude of the faithfuls this season, but that’s easily said from the comfort of your living room, knowing full well who the traitors are. You might wonder how Carr ever got so far undetected. Even his agent didn’t expect him to make it that far!
Only in last week’s episode did he burst out laughing, unable to keep a straight face while trying to say he was a faithful. He famously forgot when he had a shield, much to the suspicion of Marler, who might have won it for the faithfuls were it not for his own kindness.
Carr got away with it because of his sweet essence, his quick wit, perhaps some underestimations, and the utterly confounding nature of the game. “How can we vote someone that’s so lovable?” said Paloma Faith of Carr on Uncloaked, Traitors‘ partner show for undressing the episodes.
Alan Carr lied and laughed his way to earning £87,500 for his charity of choice, Neuroblastoma UK. The money will go towards saving children’s lives: a result certainly worth a fib or two.
Watch some of the funniest moments of the season below.
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